If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
