You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
