Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
