hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
