My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize