google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
