it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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