While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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