she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
