ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
