went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
