Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
