you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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