shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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