my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
