You made me cry and you don't even care
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
