He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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