he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
