it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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