Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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