We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
