just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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