I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
