Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
