I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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