dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
