She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
