Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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