I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
