my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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