She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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