i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
