you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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