Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
