How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
