i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
