I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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