OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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