in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
