I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
