Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
