So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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