i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
