Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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