nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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