Someone shit on the floor
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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