apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
