you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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