weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
