He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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