I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
