do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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