Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
