i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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