I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
