I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
