I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do herpes really smell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
