Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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