Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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