I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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