I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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