so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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