She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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