did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you never un-have a 4some
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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