Hey man sorry I got all grabby
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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