My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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