I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
