pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
