oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
