How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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